


Always Read The Label

by missthingsplace



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Ratings: G, needsablonde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:06:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1188039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missthingsplace/pseuds/missthingsplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters ... unfortunately.<br/>Summary: As the title suggests ...<br/>Rating: g</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Read The Label

 

“It can fly?” Ianto repeated back to Jack down the comms. “And you see that as a minor problem?”

“Well, actually now that I come to think about it maybe it could be more of a problem than I first thought.” Jack admitted.

“Let me see, this thing falls through the rift and some woman finds it. She thinks it looks like it would be a great toy for her kid if she gives it a wash and then all hell breaks loose.” Ianto replied dryly. “I'd say it was a major problem.”

“It's her fault for washing, maybe if she had read the label ...”

“Jack, let's not worry about that, just deal with the matter in hand.” Ianto cut him off. “The family are locked out of their own house because an alien soft toy, a toy that resembles something like a huge bumble bee is flying around their house and we need to catch it.”

“I don't think it's actually dangerous, but yeah.” Jack sighed.

“Fine, we'll bring big nets!” Ianto told him, cutting the comms.

It seemed like some kind of hoax when PC Davidson had called them and Jack decided to go by himself, now he was there with the police and the family and without any means of actually catching it in the SUV. Despite the fact it had come to life it really was still just a toy that was terrorising them and sedatives wouldn't work and he really didn't want to resort to shooting a toy, if they could catch it Jack knew how to deactivate it.

The rest of the team arrived in Ianto's car a short while later, brandishing what resembled large butterfly nets. As they approached Jack he couldn't help but smirk at them, they were all also dressed in bio hazard suits that would also protect them from stings or bites if need be too. He did however have the smirk wiped off his face when he was handed a net of his own.

“You're not getting out of this one Jack.” Gwen told him as she thrust it in his hands.

“Whatever.” Jack grumbled as the three of them headed towards the house.

They entered quietly through the front door, closing it behind them. Glancing around there was no sign of it but they could hear it, there was a strange sound coming from the upstairs of the house. It sounded like a cross between a buzzing and a car alarm and was ear piercingly loud, they reached the bottom of the stairs and looked at each other.

“Ladies first?” Ianto suggested to Gwen.

“Age before beauty.” She countered, looking at Jack.

“It's just a toy.” He told them.

“You won't mind going first then, will you?” Ianto replied.

Jack gave a small half hearted grin before leading the way up the stairs, the noise was getting deafening as they got closer. Eventually they tracked it down in one of the bedrooms, they could just about make out which door it was trapped behind.

“Okay, we need to get in there and catch it without it escaping.” Jack told them. “On three.”

“Three ... two ... go!”

He opened the door and all three of them entered the room fast, slamming the door behind them. It did indeed resemble a large bumble bee but it was purple with pink spots and appeared to be sporting a very real looking stinger that looked like it would hurt if it got you with it. They were rooted to the spot as they watched it trying to escape out the closed window, it battering the glass every few seconds.

“Maybe we should be catching it.” Ianto suggested, his voice a hissed whisper. “And I thought she said it was blue and yellow?”

“Yeah, right, I think so ... okay, let's split up. Ianto you go from the right, Gwen in the middle and me left.” Jack instructed quietly.

They moved into position and advanced on the toy, it seemed completely oblivious to their presence as they moved slowly towards it. That was until Gwen swiped at it with her net and then it flew fast and erratically around the room. All three of them were madly swiping at it as it seemed to get louder and louder, which they thought was impossible till finally Ianto got his net over it and slammed it down onto the bed in the middle of the room.

“Jack, shut it off!” Yelled Gwen above the noise, fingers in her ears.

Jack pounced on it, holding it down as he struggled with it until finally silence filled the room.

“Thank fuck for that!” Exclaimed Ianto. “My ears are going to take weeks to recover.”

“What did you say?” Gwen shouted. “I seem to have gone deaf.”

“Doesn't matter, let's get out of here.” Jack shouted louder, pulling the now inert toy from the netting and carrying it from the room as the others followed.

Jack strolled up to the mother and held the toy up in front of her, giving her a grin.

“Do you never read the labels?” He asked.

She looked at him blankly.

“Instructions on the label?”

“Didn't think about it, just bunged it in the washing machine.” She replied, shrugged.

Jack took the label in his hand and looked at it, sure it wasn't in English or any earth language for the matter but she wouldn't know that having not even looked at it.

She shrugged again, and with no word of thanks ushered her family back into the house.

“Charming.” Gwen said as they headed back to the cars.

“Chav's.” Ianto replied, rolling his eyes.

“Idiots.” Added Jack as he climbed behind the wheel of the SUV.

Once back at the hub Ianto asked Jack what the label actually read, so he could archive it properly as it placed it in a box.

“It clearly says 'To activate wash at a temperature of 40 deg. C. May change colour when washed'.”

The End.


End file.
